Before I get into my article, Agape I know you guys are slow, like really slow. The topic of this blog post is actually satire. Whilst you are still trying to digest my first two sentences, please google the meaning of the word "satire". So okay, over the last two weeks I have been bombarded with comments from Agape Cult members (the few remaining ones) about a so called upcoming wedding of a Viola Chitiyo and a Mark Mupfumira. Its like they really want me to know about this wedding. To them they feel like somehow this "news" will hurt me. For some strange reason they feel I have to shade a tear or two over this. They think it's the ultimate punch to me, and I should be like "ouch". I have failed to come up with the calculations as to why this should hurt me. I just don't get it, seriously. Why should I hurt over a very substandard wedding of two ordinary middle aged people that I have never even met in my life who have no significance what-so ever on the world map. The only 2 reasons why they are even getting air time on my blog is because a) Agape cult is literally now harassing me about this wedding, and b) actually I dont have a second reason.
From what I have gathered from the last two weeks I have been bombarded by this arranged marriage "news", there is nothing else going on in the dead cult now. Its over. There is another major trial for "Daddy" in August, and the remaining board members and envoys are now leaving at the speed of lightning. Sandra is now doing care work, as she was unable to graduate because of plagiarism. Titi is now back in the UK with not even a degree. I know it's trying times for your dead cult. When people flee the cult, they also feel the need to tell me that they have finally fled. As I am writing this blog post, I know another cult board member or envoy will be throwing in the towel by the end of the week, and yes I will hear about it too, sigh. Even 11 year old Vanessa Gayakaya did confirm to me that the cult is dead. So please stop treating this wedding as if its the best thing to happen since the fall of Agape. I know there is nothing else going in the dead cult but ya'll need the calm the hell down. It's just a wedding folk, people around the world have these every single day. People also get divorced every day. So I will certainly not lose sleep over Viola's arranged wedding to a 50 plus old divorced bankrupt man who has no single academic qualification and goes around the world seeking deliverance and prayers from false prophets.
For entertainment purposes please do watch the video of Agape Cult member Mark Mupfumira below, it will prove what I'm saying. Its totally hilarious. The length people will go to get a blessing, lol. Please watch from 21 minutes onwards, but if you really want a good laugh watch the whole video, the first man is publicly talking about his erectile dysfunction issues, its just bizarre, and as for Mark Mupfumira apparently he has some "forensic anointing" whatever that is. I tried to google the meaning of it but no luck, if anyone has an insight on "forensic anointing" please enlighten us I beg...
Anyway moving on from forensic anointings and arranged weddings, in case you guys didn't know, I already have a husband, the ever so young and handsome Nino. You are barking at the wrong tree with your wedding news lol. My Boaz is a young man, never been married or divorced and certainly not bankrupt. He is also extremely talented and ambitious, so please take a sit down. Tipeiwo ma-serious please. Musandinyaudze neka wedding kenyu ketwo cents. Its not exactly the wedding of the year is it. Zvimwe zvinoto nzwisa tsitsi shuwa.
 |
| This is my Boaz Agape, in case you need reminding |
Talking about more important things, I was truly humbled by this tribute by the editor of Iliszwi 263. I have had the opportunity to write for their reputable website as a guest blogger and it was truly encouraging when the editor wrote this tribute about me and another woman of substance on his Facebook wall this week...now and again God shows me how people see me and its ever so humbling that my work does make a difference in peoples lives. This is what he had to say about me...
Today I want to pay homage to two women who I think are both beautiful, inside and on the exterior.They have never met but they have a few things in common:They are both Zim girls living abroad. From what I have read on their walls, they were both daddy's little girls. It's not hard to see why.They both stick their graceful necks out, to fight for the downtrodden. If a girl is harassed in Nepal, Barbara is on Facebook - she is one of few women capable of being hot and menacing, simultaneously - yelling "ndokurova" words. Jean Fadzai Gasho is an evangelist and a mentor in Church. Both women are writers. I have had the opportunity to read both their works; Barbara in 'amaBooks anthology Where To Now: Short Stories from Zimbabwe and Jean on the ilizwi263 project.I left the biggest similarity for last:Both Barbara and Jean are mums to four children. And they STIIIILL look like this. How? Because they both regularly put Nike to asphalt, which gives them the Sports Illustrated cover-girl physique.Jean Gasho and Barbara Mhangami....I want to see your birth certificates. And then I want proof of those four children.
In Other News
When I became homeless 3 years ago, I remember Agape Cult starting a blog about me mocking me. At that time I used to go to a certain lake and just pray, I would pray that God would give me a place to sleep with my children. Now 3 years later, my Boaz took me to the very same lake. As I sat there with him whilst our two boys were playing and our girls were feeding the ducks, I realised that God answered my prayer and gave me more than a house. At that time when I was homeless, my ex husband was taking me to court claiming that I was an unfit mother so he wanted my children removed from my care. The guy has some nerve right, no one will ever take my babies from me. Well, his opening statement in court was, "Jean is homeless, she does not have a place for the children to live. So Jean can not have the children. Jean does not have a house or a car. I have a car. Jean does not drive. She can't take the children to school in a car. I have a car so will be able to drive the children to school in a car. Jean does not have a driving licence. I have a car. Jean doesn't. Jean thinks she is some kind of celebrity, she actually thinks she is famous." Anyway I will just leave it right there...
