On Sunday 7 June 2015 a video of a 12 year Zimbabwean child based in the UK cursing his mother went viral on social media. The video can be watched here. On Wednesday American grammy-nominated R&B singer and movie actor Tyrese Gibson then posted the video of the boy on his Facebook page followed by 26 million fans. The comments on Tyrese's page were rather disheartening to me. When this video went viral at the beginning of the week, a number of people asked me for my opinion on the story and I promised I would write an article. But today the Lord put upon my heart to write the mother an open letter instead as both her and her son have been castigated enough on social media. When I watch the video, I do not see a "bad" mother and "bad" child, but rather I see two people who love each other dearly crying out for help as the world watches, judges and condemn. Anyway without rambling too much, my letter to the child's mother goes something like this...
Dear Michael's mother
Firstly I would like to offer my sympathy on what I believe must be a traumatic time for your family. I can only imagine the anguish this situation must have brought into your household. Woman to woman, mother to mother I do not write this letter in condemnation but offering you words of encouragement and support, something that at times as humans we find difficult to give especially when it is needed the most. In the video I gathered you referred to your son as Micheal, hence I will use that name not "spoiled rotten child" . Your boy has a name so great it is mentioned a few times in the bible. Each time the archangel Micheal is mentioned in the bible, he is always in action, either battling wicked angels, disputing with Satan or waging war with the devil and his demons. As I write this open letter to you I chose to associate your son with a name so great in the spirit realm it shakes the satanic kingdom. I don't know if you know this but our names have power to shape and influence who we are. When I watched the video, I saw a broken little boy crying out for help. I saw an angry child who doesn't know how to deal with so many emotions and changes going on inside him (and probably within the home too). I saw a boy who is in desperate need of love and attention. I saw a child resenting his mother for a situation he probably believes she could have avoided, maybe, I don't know, but I saw anger, pain and heart ache all fused together in one atomic bomb that is exploding in all sorts of directions and spiralling out of control.
As I watched this video, I couldn't help notice some things that really concerned me, more than Micheal's cursing and swearing if I can be honest. I observed a few aspects in the video footage that made me to think that Micheal was deliberately wound up by someone with a malicious intent to video him secretly and leak the footage on-line. I have every reason to believe the "auntie" in the video is the one who filmed Micheal, I stand corrected if I am wrong. I do not believe this woman you referred to as your sons auntie has any genuine care or concern over your precious son. In fact I see the woman as a danger to the welfare of your son. I understand in our Zimbabwe culture we teach our children to refer to family friends as auntie or uncle. Somehow I do not believe this "auntie" is actually a family relation but rather a family friend. I also sensed a spirit of dislike on her towards your son, especially the way she spoke to him, hence she conspired to expose you and your son to the world in such a twisted way. I say this because I too am a mother, if anyone dares film my precious children secretly and post the footage on-line for all and sundry, I wont give a damn who they are, auntie or not I will unleash the lioness in me and deal with them in a way they will never ever forget me as long as they live! If the "auntie" is the one who leaked the video, I say shame on her! I ask you to consider cutting this woman out of your life for your son's sake, and seek legal action against her whilst you are at it for the serious criminal offence she committed. Do this for your son, because this video and the comments that go with it will stay online for the rest of Michael's life, I dread to think how all this will affect him tomorrow. I urge you to take action to show your son that you did not approve of this, you owe to him to fight for his dignity and what's left of his reputation at such a tender age.
The second thing I observed in the video apart from "auntie's" negative attitude towards your precious son and the way she deliberately wound him up to film him, I also observed that Michael is a very emotional child. He got angry because you asked him to come in the house as it was late, 10 pm I think you said. Actually this is not such a big deal as the world is making out. I believe this incident happened on a weekend. In England in summer the sun sets at around 10 pm. I used to live in a closed well affluent neighbourhood where occasionally in summer on school holidays children played in their front gardens till about 10 pm before the sun sets. This was not an everyday thing of course but it happened in my neighbourhood, nothing to panic about it doesn't mean the children are not in a routine or anything. I also remember children getting very upset when asked to come indoors, lol. I believe Micheal getting angry is very normal behaviour of a child. He didn't want to come in but wanted to play outside till the cows come home. The positive I got from this is that Michael actually did listen to you and came inside the house, despite not being a happy bunny about it. Something told me this boy is not as bad as the world is making him out to be, he seems very manageable considering how angry and wound up he was, thanks to the "aunty". She was deliberately poking the child trying to get a reaction from him. But he sat calmly on the settee and did not throw things or wreck the house. He simply answered back and gave you his piece of mind. The only problem I observed in Micheal that is of concern was his language and the manner he spoke to you. If I can be honest, I do not believe its Micheal's fault he speaks in that manner. It seems this is learned behaviour he has copied from someone very close. I hope that Micheal has not copied the language from someone who calls you those names. I was also concerned that you seem relaxed when he used the language, he does need to be corrected and educated in love that using that sort of language is not acceptable for a child of 12, and I also suggest you take measures to ensure Micheal is not exposed to people who speak in such a disrespectful way to women.
The third observation I noted was the way you spoke to your son. Firstly may I commend you for maintaining such a calm demeanour in such a heated situation. Considering you were not aware that the conversation was being secretly filmed, I do commend and admire your calmness and composure, I have seen parents cussing back at children and even hitting them in such situations, especially in our African community. However I was slightly concerned over the language you used towards your son. At one point you called him "pathetic boy". I understand emotions were running high and you said this in the heat of the moment, but I urge you to avoid speaking such negative hurtful words into your precious son's soul. Words have power to make or destroy. No matter how angry you are, train yourself to never call your child negative names, because psychologically the words you speak will have an impact on your child. I also noted you answered your son back about his comments on Africa and Ebola and told him that "I will have my Ebola, you will never be white" whilst the aunty was yelling at Micheal not to "flaunt his ignorance". In all honesty I found this to be extremely concerning. Very. It seemed both of you forgot that Micheal was a child, only 12. The boy needs to be educated in love about Africa and the issues facing the continent. The way you both speak to him on the matter will only worsen his already negative preconceived ideas about Africa. He needs education and love, not mockery and condemnation. May I kindly suggest if possible, take Micheal on holiday to Zimbabwe. Help your son fall in love with his mother land. I remember taking my children to Africa, they had such an adventure it was a brand new world to them full of amazement and wonder, climbing trees, seeing animals, slaughtering cows and goats, the brown grass, sitting around the fire. It was without a doubt one of their most memorable events of their lives. I know if you take Michael to Africa he will love it and wont be saying Africa Ebola no more, trust me...
However in all this mess, I ask you to take heart and be of good courage, God allowed this situation to come to light, because all things works together for good to those who love God. I do not know what your situation in your home is, a few comments I saw online where suggesting you were a single mother to Micheal. I do not have evidence that you are, but if you are a single mother, allow me to tell you that two years ago I became a single mother, not of own choosing but it happened and I accepted it. When I became a single mother I refused the stereotypes that are given to single mothers of boy children that boys who grow up without fathers will not achieve success in life. I do not deny the importance of a father figure in a boy child's life, but I strongly believe children raised by single mothers are even more likely to succeed in life because life teaches them survival and determination at a young age. I look around the world and see that the most successful men in the world were indeed raised by single mothers. Barack Obama was raised by a single mum, so was Brad Pitt, Eddie Murphy, Kanye West, Jay Z, Shaqiulle O'Neal, Samuel L Jackson the list goes on and on. Singles mothers are more capable of raising fine men who have the power and will to impact the world in a positive way. If you are a single mother, raise your head up high and wear the badge with honour. Start speaking positive words into your son's life and refuse every negative word of condemnation that has been spoken over your son by the world.
As I watched this video, I couldn't help notice some things that really concerned me, more than Micheal's cursing and swearing if I can be honest. I observed a few aspects in the video footage that made me to think that Micheal was deliberately wound up by someone with a malicious intent to video him secretly and leak the footage on-line. I have every reason to believe the "auntie" in the video is the one who filmed Micheal, I stand corrected if I am wrong. I do not believe this woman you referred to as your sons auntie has any genuine care or concern over your precious son. In fact I see the woman as a danger to the welfare of your son. I understand in our Zimbabwe culture we teach our children to refer to family friends as auntie or uncle. Somehow I do not believe this "auntie" is actually a family relation but rather a family friend. I also sensed a spirit of dislike on her towards your son, especially the way she spoke to him, hence she conspired to expose you and your son to the world in such a twisted way. I say this because I too am a mother, if anyone dares film my precious children secretly and post the footage on-line for all and sundry, I wont give a damn who they are, auntie or not I will unleash the lioness in me and deal with them in a way they will never ever forget me as long as they live! If the "auntie" is the one who leaked the video, I say shame on her! I ask you to consider cutting this woman out of your life for your son's sake, and seek legal action against her whilst you are at it for the serious criminal offence she committed. Do this for your son, because this video and the comments that go with it will stay online for the rest of Michael's life, I dread to think how all this will affect him tomorrow. I urge you to take action to show your son that you did not approve of this, you owe to him to fight for his dignity and what's left of his reputation at such a tender age.
The second thing I observed in the video apart from "auntie's" negative attitude towards your precious son and the way she deliberately wound him up to film him, I also observed that Michael is a very emotional child. He got angry because you asked him to come in the house as it was late, 10 pm I think you said. Actually this is not such a big deal as the world is making out. I believe this incident happened on a weekend. In England in summer the sun sets at around 10 pm. I used to live in a closed well affluent neighbourhood where occasionally in summer on school holidays children played in their front gardens till about 10 pm before the sun sets. This was not an everyday thing of course but it happened in my neighbourhood, nothing to panic about it doesn't mean the children are not in a routine or anything. I also remember children getting very upset when asked to come indoors, lol. I believe Micheal getting angry is very normal behaviour of a child. He didn't want to come in but wanted to play outside till the cows come home. The positive I got from this is that Michael actually did listen to you and came inside the house, despite not being a happy bunny about it. Something told me this boy is not as bad as the world is making him out to be, he seems very manageable considering how angry and wound up he was, thanks to the "aunty". She was deliberately poking the child trying to get a reaction from him. But he sat calmly on the settee and did not throw things or wreck the house. He simply answered back and gave you his piece of mind. The only problem I observed in Micheal that is of concern was his language and the manner he spoke to you. If I can be honest, I do not believe its Micheal's fault he speaks in that manner. It seems this is learned behaviour he has copied from someone very close. I hope that Micheal has not copied the language from someone who calls you those names. I was also concerned that you seem relaxed when he used the language, he does need to be corrected and educated in love that using that sort of language is not acceptable for a child of 12, and I also suggest you take measures to ensure Micheal is not exposed to people who speak in such a disrespectful way to women.
The third observation I noted was the way you spoke to your son. Firstly may I commend you for maintaining such a calm demeanour in such a heated situation. Considering you were not aware that the conversation was being secretly filmed, I do commend and admire your calmness and composure, I have seen parents cussing back at children and even hitting them in such situations, especially in our African community. However I was slightly concerned over the language you used towards your son. At one point you called him "pathetic boy". I understand emotions were running high and you said this in the heat of the moment, but I urge you to avoid speaking such negative hurtful words into your precious son's soul. Words have power to make or destroy. No matter how angry you are, train yourself to never call your child negative names, because psychologically the words you speak will have an impact on your child. I also noted you answered your son back about his comments on Africa and Ebola and told him that "I will have my Ebola, you will never be white" whilst the aunty was yelling at Micheal not to "flaunt his ignorance". In all honesty I found this to be extremely concerning. Very. It seemed both of you forgot that Micheal was a child, only 12. The boy needs to be educated in love about Africa and the issues facing the continent. The way you both speak to him on the matter will only worsen his already negative preconceived ideas about Africa. He needs education and love, not mockery and condemnation. May I kindly suggest if possible, take Micheal on holiday to Zimbabwe. Help your son fall in love with his mother land. I remember taking my children to Africa, they had such an adventure it was a brand new world to them full of amazement and wonder, climbing trees, seeing animals, slaughtering cows and goats, the brown grass, sitting around the fire. It was without a doubt one of their most memorable events of their lives. I know if you take Michael to Africa he will love it and wont be saying Africa Ebola no more, trust me...
However in all this mess, I ask you to take heart and be of good courage, God allowed this situation to come to light, because all things works together for good to those who love God. I do not know what your situation in your home is, a few comments I saw online where suggesting you were a single mother to Micheal. I do not have evidence that you are, but if you are a single mother, allow me to tell you that two years ago I became a single mother, not of own choosing but it happened and I accepted it. When I became a single mother I refused the stereotypes that are given to single mothers of boy children that boys who grow up without fathers will not achieve success in life. I do not deny the importance of a father figure in a boy child's life, but I strongly believe children raised by single mothers are even more likely to succeed in life because life teaches them survival and determination at a young age. I look around the world and see that the most successful men in the world were indeed raised by single mothers. Barack Obama was raised by a single mum, so was Brad Pitt, Eddie Murphy, Kanye West, Jay Z, Shaqiulle O'Neal, Samuel L Jackson the list goes on and on. Singles mothers are more capable of raising fine men who have the power and will to impact the world in a positive way. If you are a single mother, raise your head up high and wear the badge with honour. Start speaking positive words into your son's life and refuse every negative word of condemnation that has been spoken over your son by the world.
I noticed a lot of people from the Zimbabwean community are suggesting sending Michael to a rural area in Zimbabwe as punishment. I strongly disagree with this extreme measure as it will only worsen the situation. I would not advise sending your own child to Africa for someone else to discipline him on your behalf. I do appreciate that Africa has a different model when it comes to raising children, but I believe culture evolves and we now live in a completely different era raising a new generation. We have to deal with what's there. I believe the model used here also works perfectly because I have come across a lot of well behaved well groomed balanced children who are being raised in modern England.
Spend more time with your son. Take him outdoors, play football with him. Find activities he like, sports will teach him discipline. Do with him the things he likes to do, if he likes riding his bike get yourself a bike too and now and again ride bikes with him. Its never too late. Be a role model to him. Tell him you love him all the time. Hug him. Give him affection. Praise him.Take him to his favourite food outlet or restaurant maybe once a fortnight or once a month. Talk to him, ask him what makes him sad, and happy. Ask him what he expects from you, and you also tell him what you expect of him. Sometimes unwillingly we also hurt our children, it doesn't hurt to say sorry. Our children need to know we are human and not super women, we make mistakes too and mess up but we always try our best as mothers to do right by our children.
May I end this letter to you by saying I personally see greatness in your son. I see success against the odds. I see a young man who will prove the world wrong, and rise up to do great things that we can not even comprehend. I see a boy so full of potential, who will speak his mind at all costs, a gift in him that if channelled correctly he will use it positively to change the world. When I look at Micheal, I do not see a spoilt rotten child, but rather a child destined for greatness and success. Believe it for your son, and help him achieve it. Do not be dismayed, but rather turn a negative into a positive, and show the world that they were wrong about your son, there is never a situation that can not be turned around.
Yours truly
Jean (single mother to four amazing super talented children)
May I end this letter to you by saying I personally see greatness in your son. I see success against the odds. I see a young man who will prove the world wrong, and rise up to do great things that we can not even comprehend. I see a boy so full of potential, who will speak his mind at all costs, a gift in him that if channelled correctly he will use it positively to change the world. When I look at Micheal, I do not see a spoilt rotten child, but rather a child destined for greatness and success. Believe it for your son, and help him achieve it. Do not be dismayed, but rather turn a negative into a positive, and show the world that they were wrong about your son, there is never a situation that can not be turned around.
Yours truly
Jean (single mother to four amazing super talented children)
PS: For the past two years I have worn the badge of being a single mum with pride and honour. I now consider it one of the greatest achievements in my life, and I know God has given me an award for it. I would never change it for the world, I learnt my strength as a mother during such a time as this, and here are a few pictures to show for it. Be encouraged.
17 comments:
Wow, to be honest this is a master piece. You broke it down beautifully. The comments that adults were writing were brutal some even asking for the child's head.
Your best article by FAR. So mature and encouraging.l have seen the mother in u Jean,philanthropist and indeed a JAW CEO.l am a single mum to a 14yr old boy too and lm very encouraged. Well done Jean.
Michaels mum..please be encouraged by this letter that does not judge but addresses the issues with love ,care and empathy.
I'm blown away at how you looked at this story...most people were quick to judge including me but you opened my eyes..
Thats wisdom right there
What a moving letter, I hope Micheals mother can read this letter I'm a single mother to a 4 year old boy and I find it challenging at times he screams and shouts. It's hard with no one to help. God bless you Jean you have wisdom beyond your age I find this letter helpful for myself.
Jean this is wisdom at its best. Thank you for letting Michael's mother know that out there there are other people who still care despite the backlash she got online. I know its not only single women in this predicament but that most parents are finding it difficult to raise children in this country. I know of families that have to send children back home but end up bringing them back .Be blessed Jean. Continue humbling yourself and see where God will take you
Lets not make excuses for nurturing bad behaviour. Discipline is an essential part of growing up. Rebellious conduct leads to characters with a rule unto themselves. If we are to maintain our association with our culture then it is grossly irresponsible for the Mother of the young Lad to allow him to speak to her as such, no matter how much love she has for him. Kudos for the Auntie for recording the tape and bringing it up for social network discussion. They do not have rule to allow spanking in England for no good reason you know.
This kid is sick and needs help. Where is the father! Zvimwe ndezve madzinza. Zvino toda verudzi rwake. Kuita spank izvi hazvichabatsira. Doro kana deliverance. But yet again this is a child why is it being put out there! The aunt or mother who put it out there is careless. What does she hope to achieve!
I just read a few snippets of this article and I thought Jean was condoning what this child did. Well I think if that is what you do to your kids you could be brewing some trouble for yourself.
To insinuate that the mother and the aunt wound up the boy is the worst thing that you can ever suggest. I don't believe the spoilt brat learnt all those foul words at that moment as her aunt was winding him up as you suggest. It does not have to be dark before a child is called into the house, if I call my child to come into the house at 3pm, thats me the parent he must obey that. Iwe wakakurira kuZim and I dont believe you only waited for it to be dark to finally go back into the house.
Do not try to curry favour with this mother and try to make her feel her child is being victimised by the world, that boy is a disgrace and if I were his parent I would not spare the rod. He would a candidate for Nhowe Mission for a good 2 years until he learns to respect his elders.
Jean wakurasika manje, your opinion aside this wont cut with anyone even the worst parent.
Thoughtfully written. I applaud you and think this is the best ever piece..
I hope the mum sees this and analyse every word in it she will be best mum ever to Michael
firstly she should admit to having a problem and finding solutions will be easier with the help of what people said negatively or positive as you're aware that some negative words make people stronger than ever. As for the auntie you focused too much on her I think that was meant to happen as it opened a lot of other underlying triggers to Michael's behaviour and has caused you to respond with such good advice.
they're relations so no one can break that not even the consequences of her behaviour... so hee welldone Jean 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
There is no currying favour here at all. Let the truth be told. Jean is not condoning behaviour at all. She is suggesting what she is seeing and she is entitled to that. If you disagree with Jean that is fine but do not attack Jean. Thank her for bringing this up for discussion. She writes to provoke deeper thinking for deep thinkers not for surface thinkers! Nhowe will not work at all. That is a ghetto old fashioned thought process. Rethink and provide better solutions! The rod will not work here either! What real solution do you have?
Jean I do not agree with your advice on this to be honest enough
As much as the aunt might have posted the video of the 12year old, at least now you have something to comment on hantica . If she had not posted it I'm sure you would have nothing to comment on
That 12year old boy is really out of hand to be very honest with the scolding the swearing coming Jean that's wrong even vana vevarungu chaivo don't behave in such a manner not at all.
Jean when pipo comments saying he should be taken to Zimbabwe its for his betterment to be honest. That kid is already out of hand to be honest
U don't speak in such a manner to the elders whether white or black
What makes you think he is lacking love?
Even if it gets dark late in summer in the UK it doesn't give children permission to stay out late
Children must be in the house whilst its still not dark and hav a routine
That 12 year is really out of hand already I really don't think the mum would be able to control him hence forth thus the honest truth.
Taking him to Zimbabwe doesn't mean the mum hates him its for him to be mannered. On the other hand I don't say any gud future ahead of that boy if he doesn't change
I'm sure the aunt is not stupid that she would secretly film the boy without the mum's permission considering that obviously the mum would definitely see it
What I see vanga vapererwa nemazano so they wanted to have different pipo ' s opinion
Why are you so quick to say go and report and lay charges against the aunt
What u think is based on assumptions so am I
Enough said! What does currying mean! This seems to be your favourite word! We are no longer in Africa let alone Zimbabwe! Understand this and once you have understood this then speak! If you want the African life or Zimbabwean life go back there and raise your children that way! We have evolved as a people and of you have not well that's you you are entitled to you Africanisation mentality! There is no appealing to anyone here! It's a discourse we are having. It's not about Jean. Don't confuse issues please "Ms currying" if I may call you that. The problem at hand is this child who is sick and needs help, not Nhowe help or rod help or pitying help or currying help or in- laws wedged between each other help or we see through you Jean help but REAL help. We all know Jean is not a psychologist and I can say you are not either! Provide solutions real solutions not attack solution. Jean is not the reason this video was put in air. She is not the reason the child is like this. She is just analysing the situation as best as she can. If she seems to be appealing or currying toward a certain group of people which in your mind will cause donors to donate whatever you think they will donate them let it be. What is your problem with that! You want to prevent her from doing what she wants or feels she ought to do!!!!! It's people like you who are haters and will not amount to much! Please feel free to air your views but do not attack Jean! It's in your attacks that The Lord will continue to bless her and move her to greater heights while you write "divorced, single mother, pregnant in a minute, celebrity wannabe etc etc". As you continue to write such Jean is using these blocks to build a firm foundation and move on while you point fingers at such trivial unrelated items. It's the child we need to focus on and how the mother and aunt can help this child as they seem to be immediate care givers, but mostly the mother! Provide solutions please Ms "enough said"
Jean - well done for bringing this on your blog! Thank you for being impartial with comments and airing even the illogical ones!
Keep rising! Provide more information about the cosmetic products you ate selling. Maybe you can create a website for us to order from and provide reviews of these cosmetic products! Go Jean Go! JAW is on the MOVE! Haters stop hating!!!!
Women be kind to each other please! Women, what's wring with you? Really! Cat fight even in things you need to agree on or disagree politely but NO! It's, "I am going to give her a piece of mind" what piece of your mind, your dirty piece if mind? Stop it ladies! Work and support each other and address each other amicably please ladies! A ladies wordy enemy is another lady - how true! Let's change this!
Lol funny how people attack each other when they don't agree with each other's views. Just agree to disagree and move on. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. No need for name calling!
You people who attack Jean's post are not ashamed.
For what it's worth, Jean showed she has brains here. Just to think that she even goes ahead to publish your nasty comments, it must be a BIG lesson to you.
Must you be so backward all the time. Ko kumbotiwo Weldone wekumusha, is it that hard? Get a life and live in this real world. Jean has never claimed she is a saint or angel. Chimboverengaiwo with a positive mind and attitude.
We are proud of you Jean Gasho.
woow wisdom speaketh.
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